When Addy was born, there were a few different “future” seasons that made me nervous as a mother.

❣️I was terrified of her little heart being broken on the playground in early childhood – those moments where she would run to the swings to play with new friends, only to have bewildered stares and hold-everything “WHAT is THAT?” questions thrown at her instead.

(She survived those just fine.  Kids may appear rude, but they’re just exhibiting unpolished curiosity.  Once they know what “THAT” is and they’re assured she’s not in pain, the swing-pushing and new friendships carry on as normal.)

❣️I was terrified of her being THAT kid in grade school.  You know the one – the easy target for the class bully, who’s usually too lazy to pick on everyone, so they fixate on that one weird-looking kid instead.  I was worried she’d be THAT kid, every year, in every classroom.

(She was fine.  She got a few power plays from wannabe bullies, but they were few and far between, and nothing stuck.  Being unique got a LOT cooler sometime between my childhood and hers!)

❣️And I was definitely terrified of the teenage years.  I saw those looming ahead when social-media culture was really taking off like a rocket.  Constant comparison, airbrushed photos, self-loathing of flaws, body insecurity… it was rampant among teens, and I was deeply concerned about launching a teenage girl with an odd-looking face into that world.

Well.

Addy turned sixteen (!!) recently. 

And the status of the teen years so far?

Fine.

She’s fine.

Awesome, in fact.

So, since I’m probably not the only parent looking ahead to the Teen Season with some trepidation, let me catch you up with Addy and how she’s doing, so that perhaps you, too, can breathe a sigh of relief for your own little one.

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First: How does she feel about her port wine stain at sixteen?

Addy LOVES her port wine stain.  She wants to keep it and its current shape.  Laser treatments will help it fade, and fade unevenly at that.  (The vessels in the front of her port wine stain are thicker and tougher than the vessels on the side of her face, which will fade faster and cause the overall shape to change.)

So, since Addy has decided that she loves her port wine stain, we have done one – and only one – maintenance laser treatment in the last few years. I write more about Treatment #44 here; in summary, we did a clinic appointment (rather than a surgery under anesthesia), and she was awake the whole time.

The best part? The treatment successfully contained some of the growth while maintaining the shape of her port wine stain, to Addy’s liking.

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What about her social life?

Addy loves humans.  She loves getting questions about her face.  She loves talking about it.  She loves asking other people about their unique features. 

She knows that imperfect people ask imperfect questions, have bad days, act crabby and mean, and can exhibit some awful behavior.  She grew up with that awareness, as we prepared her to handle the myriad questions about her face with humor and grace. 

In the teen years, that humor and grace have been incredible assets.  She’s been training for this!  Teenagers have bad days, act crabby and mean, and can exhibit some awful behavior; she lets most of it roll off her back.  It takes a lot to get under her skin now. 

And there has been no uptick in bad social encounters.  So to those parents who are especially worried about the teen years, let me reassure you that by the time your child gets to high school, there’s a very good chance that all the other teenagers have probably already seen a lot of unique-looking humans, and your child probably won’t turn any heads or attract any undue attention for their odd face. 

I say “probably” because anything can happen, but teens seem to be a lot LESS curious about the world around them than small children are, and will probably not even notice an occasional odd face.  (And if you have your child in the same school from preschool through high school, as we do, then her face will be old news and already ultra-familiar to all her classmates.)

In fact, the classmates (and even the teachers and administrators!) at Addy’s school recently celebrated Addy’s birthmark on Vascular Birthmark Awareness Day, which I wrote about here.

That said, we still have some hilarious encounters, but they’re usually with younger children (like those in grade school or early middle school). 

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Here’s an example:

One evening recently, Addy was sitting next to me in the bleachers at a high school basketball game, and we were just a few rows up from the court.  Two girls walked by in front of us (they were maybe 10 years old), and when the girl closest to us saw Addy, her eyes practically bulged out of her head and her jaw dropped open. 

She kept walking to keep up with her friend, but I saw her tug on her friend’s elbow, turn back, and point toward us.  Apparently, her friend hadn’t seen Addy, so when there was another lull in play a couple minutes later, these same two girls walked coolly and slowly in front of us, very intentionally walking ramrod-straight, facing forward, eyes STRAINING to the side to stare at Addy as they walked by.  I chuckled – I knew exactly what was going on – and pointed it out to Addy.  She thought it was adorable that they were trying to get another good look at her odd face.

A few minutes later, these girls returned with a third friend, and did the same thing, ostensibly ‘showing’ their friend the sight they’d discovered.  It was hilarious.  These girls were clearly thinking, “WOAH!” but they were also trying SO HARD to play it cool and not stare, but they were totally staring as they did the walk-by, and it was extremely funny to watch. 

Addy made sure to turn her head slightly for full visibility to satisfy their curiosity.  They were delighted; they still played it cool.

So overall, the social encounters have been fewer and farther between, and as funny as ever.

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What about makeup?

Addy has what I’d call a healthy relationship with makeup.  She uses it to enhance her features, including her port wine stain.  She uses a tad bit of foundation on her face, but avoids putting it over her port wine stain, choosing instead to leave it at its full natural color.  She enjoys blush but usually leaves it off, preferring to maintain a high contrast between white cheek and port-wine-stain cheek.

She’s heavy on the sunscreen, knowing that her port wine stain will be a bit more sensitive to burning and she wants to avoid injuring that skin.  Smart kid.

She loves to look elegant, dressing up for school dances like a modern-day Grace Kelly. 

(Had to share: For her formal last year, this lucky girl got not one but TWO parents as chaperones!  Every freshman’s dream, right?)

(She had no parents chaperoning this year’s dance.)

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Finding Likeness

Addy still loves to find likeness in the world around her, finding her port-wine-stain pattern in everything from plants to French macarons.

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Addy remains the same outgoing kid who loves to interact with humans.  I call her a “human golden retriever,” after the one canine breed that’s as easily social as she is.

She doesn’t worry excessively about her appearance, perhaps because her face has already been the topic of so much conversation and work over the last sixteen years, from strangers’ questions to laser surgeries and doctor’s appointments.    

She doesn’t worry excessively about what other people think, perhaps because we had to train her early to let go of any concerns there, and prepare her to turn heads (for better or for worse).

She does worry about other people’s hearts, knowing that when they exhibit mean behavior, they’re probably acting out something they’ve already received themselves along the way, and she wishes better for them.

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The teen years were an unknown factor in the early days of our journey with Addy.  Now that they’re here, I want to reassure all of my fellow parents of odd-looking children that it’s SO much better here than I anticipated. 

Perhaps it’s better because we’ve already been “in training” for so many of the teenage dynamics. After all, when you’re parenting an odd-looking child, you prepare them intentionally to handle things like meanness pretty early. 

Now, here in the teen years, that humor and grace are paying dividends, and it’s awesome. 

This is a really fun season.

Your kiddo will be fine. 

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P.S. I want to mention one additional note about our approach to the teen years that has helped simplify the journey for us:

Addy has no cell phone. 

She is sixteen.

I will write more about that strange choice soon.

(Please know that I’m NOT judging you if you make different choices.  I know many parents who need to equip their kids with communication devices for various reasons!  But I will tell you that it has made the teen years MUCH easier to keep that can of worms closed entirely.)